Friday, July 13, 2007

10 Commandments for Road Users

In a previous post, I mentioned that the Vatican had issued 10 Commandments for Motorists, and that I thought they were a step in the right direction.

As a commenter and a buddy of mine pointed out, however, the Vatican could perhaps have been a bit more specific with some of their Commandments, and otherwise kind of missed the mark.

In the spirit of collaboration, then, I present a more definitive set of Commandments for Road Users:

1. Thou shall not kill, maim or damage anything with thine car.

2. Thou shall protect the more vulnerable party on the road: Motorists must always yield to bicyclists who must always yield to pedestrians. Vulnerable parties should, however, refrain thyselves from darting needlessly and with no warning in front of less-vulnerable traffic in a way that invites danger and irritation. As a user of the public space, thou shalt have respect for and patience with thine neighbor.

3. Thou shall not drive while under the influence of a substance, mental or physical condition that might impede thine ability to drive safely and prudently. Same goes for thine drunken friends and relatives.

4. Thou shall always use turn-signals, even for lane-changes, and hazard lights when slowed or stopped.

5. Thou shall either hang up or pull over, for thou sucketh at driving while talking. Typing on small keyboards while driving lies beyond the skill set of even the gods themselves, much less mere mortals such as thyself.

6. Thou shall not install a sound system that rattles the windows, doors and frame of thine vehicle, or otherwise pimp thine ride obnoxiously.

7. Thou shall not leave the scene of an accident without first being charitable and attending to your neighbour in need. Further, thou shalt support the families of accident victims. Thou shall also make steps to bring guilty motorists and their victims together, at the appropriate time, so that they can undergo the liberating experience of forgiveness.

8. Thou shall not tailgate the vehicle in front of you. Though shall always make efforts to leave at least a 2-second following distance in good weather, and a 4-second distance when conditions are wet, frozen or otherwise a hindrance to the traction of thine vehicle.

9. Thou shall keep a calm mind when behind the wheel: live and let live, and do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help thou to deal with unforeseen events; extending body parts or mouthing obscenities at other drivers will do nothing to gain karma points for thine soul. Also, lead not thine fellow drivers into road rage by straddling lanes, blocking the passing lane, merging poorly, running red lights, stopping for no apparent reason, weaving, etc.

10. When possible, thou shall choose to take transit, walk or ride a bicycle rather than drive, for these courses of action will bring peace to thine mind, assist thine neighbor in breathing less toxic air and find greater favor with thine creator.

Perhaps the Pope, seeing as he generally has the Popemobile or another chauffeured ride to roll in, was just a bit out of touch with the everyday realities of life on the modern road. Whatever the cause, I believe that these Commandments shall be more useful for thine road-using ways.

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